Trainee FAQs

by Don Caley

Okay, so you've decided you're going to have the most exciting adventure of your lifetime, and have read all the literature you can find about the "H.M.S." Rose. But maybe you'd like to get some answers from somebody who is, at this minute, a 'trainee' on the ship. Here then are some questions and answers provided not by the Rose staff, but by a current trainee. Keep in mind that the answers greatly exaggerate actual conditions, and are intended to be humorous (the writer admits to a somewhat warped sense of humor).

What are sleeping accommodations like?

If you got your reservation in early you are entitled to a two-cabin upgrade, putting you on the Calypso deck. Your cabin will have color TV, a cellular phone, and you'll get a little mint on your pillow every night. HA! I'm joking of course! But even though the racks are stacked three high they are actually quite commodious, unless you happen to be three dimensional. Each compartment has twelve bunks and you will most likely be bunking with both genders in the same compartment.

To adjust to how much space you will have in your bunk, you can try this in the privacy of your own home; sleep UNDER your bed for a night or two. Then the 26 inches of headroom in your bunk will feel like a lot. Remember, don't sit up quickly when in your bunk!

How much do I need to know about sailing?

Nothing at all! The patient crew will teach you everything you need to know. Before the week is out, you'll be yelling out seemingly nonsensical nautical stuff like "Thrice that brace athwart the starboard gumbrils!"

Is there a midnight buffet?

Of course. It is simple and quite elegant, but 'do it yourself'. It consists of saltines, peanut butter, and coffee in abundance.

How difficult is the helm?

You'll find that it is very much like driving a car, provided that you own a '48 Buick Roadmaster. The ship is slow to respond, so make your corrections quickly so that you'll be back on course before the next watch comes on. But don't worry, there is always one of the patient crew nearby to keep you out of trouble.

Occasionally while you're at the helm, one of the officers will emerge from that little room with the sophisticated electronics where they constantly monitor the latitude, longitude, weather, and the Dow Jones average. They will yell over at you "Ease the wheel over to starboard a couple of points... NO! NO! the other starboard!!"

Have you had a recent 'Kodak moment'?

Yes, just this morning. I was on the 4 to 8 watch, and it was my turn at the helm. The bad weather that was forecast did not materialize, and seas were running about five feet, just starting to cap from the fifteen knot SW wind. The sails were nicely balanced requiring little correction to maintain our course of 050 degrees.

The sky was mostly clear so it was possible to line up Cassiopeia with the luff edge of the main topsail to steer by and maintain our course. Company of the crew on the quarter-deck was pleasant. The clouds to starboard would break occasionally revealing a shining quarter moon, and a faint glow on the eastern horizon hinted at the coming dawn as we barreled along at 6 knots. The smell of breakfast wafted up enticingly from the hatch.

It just doesn't get any better than that! La dolce vita!